Pellet Predicament: A Caliber Conundrum at Crackshot
Pellet Predicament: A Caliber Conundrum at Crackshot
It was a drizzly Tuesday afternoon at Crackshot, our little slice of firearms heaven nestled in the rolling hills of Devon. The shop was quiet, save for the gentle pitter-patter of rain on the roof and Jeff’s valiant attempt to reorganize our stock of air rifle scopes without causing an avalanche.
I was behind the counter, polishing a particularly handsome Weihrauch HW100 and daydreaming about the Devon County Show coming up next month. Would this be the year I finally convinced the organizers to let me set up a shooting gallery with pictures of my ex-wife as targets? A man can dream.
The bell above the door chimed, snapping me out of my reverie. In walked a gentleman who looked about as out of place as a vegetarian at a hog roast. Decked out in what I can only describe as “urban camouflage” – designer wellies, a Barbour jacket that had never seen a day of hunting, and a flat cap perched precariously atop his head – he strode up to the counter with the confidence of a man who’d watched every episode of “Downton Abbey” and now considered himself an expert on country living.
“Good afternoon, my good man!” he boomed, in an accent that screamed ‘London banker on a rural adventure.’ “I’m in need of some ammunition for my air rifle. Just picked it up, you see. Thought I’d give this whole ‘country sports’ lark a go!”
I plastered on my best customer service smile. “Welcome to Crackshot, sir. Happy to help. What caliber is your air rifle?”
He blinked at me, clearly caught off guard. “Caliber? Oh, um… it’s about this big?” He held his hands about two feet apart, as if describing a fish he’d caught.
I stifled a chuckle. “Right, well, let’s start with the basics. Is it a .177 or a .22?”
“Oh, .22 of course!” he declared, puffing out his chest. “Nothing but the best for me!”
I nodded sagely and reached for a tin of .22 caliber pellets. “These should do the trick then. Excellent choice for target shooting and small game hunting.
“He took the tin, eyeing it suspiciously. “Bit small, aren’t they? How do you load them into the gun?”
Before I could answer, he’d popped open the tin and fished out a pellet. Then, to my horror and amazement, he proceeded to try and jam it into the muzzle of an air pistol on display – a .177 caliber Gamo P-25.
“Blimey!” he exclaimed, red-faced and sweating. “These things are a tight fit, aren’t they? Do you have a hammer I could borrow?”
I lunged across the counter faster than a ferret down a rabbit hole. “Whoa there, partner! Let’s put that pellet down before you hurt yourself – or worse, scratch the bluing on that Gamo!”
As I gently pried the pellet from his grip, I couldn’t help but notice Jeff and Kelly in the background, desperately trying to contain their laughter. Mark, bless him, had ducked behind a display of camouflage netting, his shoulders shaking with silent mirth.
“Now then,” I said, adopting my most patient tone, “let’s have a little chat about air gun calibers, shall we?”
For the next twenty minutes, I gave our enthusiastic but clueless customer a crash course in air gun basics. We covered everything from the difference between .177 and .22 calibers to the importance of proper pellet selection. By the end, he was nodding along like a bobblehead on a bumpy country lane.
“I say,” he exclaimed, “this is all rather more complicated than I thought! Perhaps I should start with something simpler. Do you have any of those guns that shoot corks? I saw one in a James Bond film once.
“I exchanged a glance with Kelly, who was now biting her lip so hard I feared she might draw blood. “I’m afraid not, sir. But might I suggest a nice set of darts instead? The Bull and Badger down the road has a cracking board, and I hear they’re always looking for fresh meat – er, new players.
“In the end, our intrepid wannabe marksman left with a beginner’s guide to air rifles, a tin of the correct pellets for his gun (which, it turned out, was indeed a .22), and a newfound respect for the complexities of shooting sports. As the door closed behind him, the shop erupted in laughter.
“Blimey, Trigger,” Jeff wheezed, wiping tears from his eyes. “I thought he was going to ask for a left-handed screwdriver next!”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “Just another day at Crackshot, lads. Now, who wants to take bets on how long before he’s back asking how to get a pellet unstuck from his barrel?”
As we settled back into our routine, I couldn’t help but smile. Sure, days like this might test my patience, but they’re also what make this job so bloody entertaining. After all, in the world of firearms, it’s not just the guns that can be trigger-happy – sometimes it’s the customers too.
And who knows? Maybe our urban adventurer will surprise us all and become the next Olympic air rifle champion. Stranger things have happened here in Devon – like the time Old Man Jenkins tried to use his walking stick as a blowpipe. But that, my friends, is a tale for another day.